On My Way To A Heartbreak
by MarlyCook
Summary: She is the reason that I finished the book, she’s my inspiration. All of the heartbreaks, the jealousy, the passion … everything in our relationship drove me to write this damn book. Implied Lit, I guess


**Disclaimer: I own nothing … don't sue.**

**A/N: Okay, this is in episode 6x08 "Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing Out". This is all in Jess' POV. What he is thinking when he goes to Connecticut. **

**Thank you to my BETA Cat**

**-----------**

I drive down a vacant road and turn down the air in my car. I've been on the road for at least three hours and I feel like I could drift off to sleep at any moment. But, I told myself to come. I needed to come. She is the reason that I finished the book, she's my inspiration. All of the heartbreaks, the jealousy, the passion … everything in our relationship drove me to write this damn book that my publisher seemed to like so much.

It's been at least two years since I last saw her. I bet she let her hair grow back out. I always liked it long. I liked playing with the tips of it while kissing her. I also remember loving the feeling of the soft locks whenever I would run my fingers through her hair. Never the less, it looked good short. She looked more like … her personality in a way. Smart, mature, and organized. She was always so organized; she had to have everything so damn perfect. It was annoying, but cute.

Sighing, I turn on the radio to keep me awake.

"_So how much do you like me?" Rory asks, leaning against the refrigerator. _

"_What do you want?" Jess deadpans and walks over to her. _

"_I know it's not really your thing, but … could you take me to the Stars Hollow High prom? Please?" She asks, sticking her bottom lip out. _

_Jess groans, "I knew you would want to go … Damn it." _

_She walks towards him and wraps one arm around his neck, "Please …"_

_Raising his eyebrows, he looks at her, defeated. "Alright, but you owe me. Big time."_

_Rory squeals in excitement and kisses him full on the mouth._

I can't believe I couldn't take her. It's not that I wanted to go—because believe me when I say I absolutely did not want to go—it's just that it was so important to her and she was so important to me. Is important to me, actually.

I drive up to the diner and look inside to see Luke wiping down the counters. Getting out of my car, I look both ways to make sure no one sees me. I walk in and smirk slightly as he looks up with wide eyes and a big smile. I feel honored. The only time I ever see that smile on his face is whenever he sees Lorelai or Rory.

"Jess," he says and leans back, folding his arms over his chest, "What are you doing in town?"

"Just thought I'd stop by," I say and walk over to the counter. He's closing up, so I don't have to worry about anyone coming in and seeing me.

"How have you been? Where have you been?" Luke asks me, a smile forming on his face again.

I shrug, "Around," I smirk a little at my monosyllabic ways. It always comes back to me when I enter Stars Hollow. I decide to answer correctly, "I live in Philadelphia. I work at a small publishing house. I actually came because I wanted to show you something … and then ask you something."

"Oh, well go ahead," he nods to me and sets his rag down.

I reach down into my bag and pull out a little black book. I have two in here, one for Luke and one for … her. The one I dread to go see, because of the feeling I get in the pit of my stomach whenever I am around her.

I reach over the counter and hand Luke the book. He looks at it for a second and then his eyes light up with what I know as pride.

"You wrote a book," he states and shakes his head, "It'll probably be the only one I will ever read."

I smirk, "I'm flattered. That copy is yours."

"Thank you," he says with a pleasant voice that I have only heard once or twice from Luke.

I smile and then look down at my hands, "Luke do you know where Rory is?" Hearing that name come out of my mouth is so refreshing. It's like talking for the first time when you wake up. It's like an old book that has been opened after ten years of being closed.

Luke hasn't said anything for a minute and it has me worried, oddly. Then he speaks up, "Honestly, I don't know. I'm pretty sure she is living with her grandparents, but I don't know if she is there right now. You see, Lorelai and Rory aren't on speaking terms right now. It's a long story, but I'm sure she'll fill you in if you find her."

"Lorelai and Rory aren't talking?" I shake my head in disbelief, "So she's changed, huh?"

"Yeah she has," he sighs, "Lorelai and I aren't setting a wedding date until they are back to normal."

I nod; he called me two nights after Lorelai had proposed to him. It didn't surprise me that they were getting married, "Well thanks Luke, I might go see her," I say, getting off of the stool. The truth is there wasn't a 'probably' to it. I was going to see her, "It was good seeing you."

"You too, Jess," Luke says and I walk to the door. I open the door and right after I hear the bells jingle, I hear Luke, "Hey Jess?"

I turn to look at him.

"Rory's not the only one who has changed," he smirks and it looks a lot like mine, creepy. I smile back at him and walk back to my car. I am heading to Hartford.

It doesn't take too long to get to Hartford, but it does take at least forty-five minutes. Again, I see no other cars on the highway. I keep telling myself to just turn back and not go any farther. I should just go right back on home. But I don't, I need to show Rory what I've done for myself … for her.

Before I know it, I'm there. I'm at this huge mansion that they call a home. It always looked so cold to me, no wonder Lorelai ran away from it. I park outside the gate and get out of the car. I hear a car engine shut off as I am walking up to the big black bars that are keeping me from the girl I am obviously still head over heels for.

Opening the gate, I peer in and see Rory turn to look at me.

"Jess," she says, almost inaudibly. I smile at the way my name sounds on her lips and I grip my bag tighter. I'm back at where I started four years ago, still hopelessly in love.

"Hey," I say, trying to compose myself.

She shifts her weight from one foot to another and finally smiles, "Hey."

Her hair's long.

----------------

I turn and walk away from her outside of the pub. Maybe I was a little harsh on her back there, but I needed to be. Not only was she dating the biggest asshole in the world, but she dropped out of Yale, she's living with her grandparent's, and not talking to her mother. This isn't the Rory I fell in love with.

It started off fine, she was so proud of my book. She wanted to go out and eat with me so we could catch up. Then he had to arrive, the blonde dick. What the hell did she see in this guy? I knew she would probably be taken because she's Rory, but not by him. He's not for her. And so what if I caught him on a bad night? He belittled me and I sensed it when I met him that he belittles everyone.

I get to my car and get in trying to hold back any emotion I feel. I slam my fists against the steering wheel and crank the car. I can't do this again. I can't let myself get hurt, but when it comes to Rory I can't help but let my guard down. It's times like these when I wish I would've never even met her.

I should've known when I got into the car that I was on my way to another heartbreak.

-----------

**A/N: So there were some parts I liked and some parts I didn't. This was just what I wished they would have showed in the episode. Jess' thoughts. Review, please. **

**Also, I have a status on each one of my unfinished stories on my account along with a trailer on youtube for my story 'Feelings I Never Told'.**


End file.
